Dear Haje and Kate,
Sincere thanks from England for your invitation, which I notice was printed on 100% recycled non-chlorine bleached paper recycled from your previous nuptials and divorce settlements (how are Anne and Tom, by the way?). I am afraid however that my self-imposed carbon budget for this year simply does not permit me to take long-haul flights, and will thus take the option of watching your ceremony via live webstream instead.
Contributed by goldenkippers
Global warming means that flying across the Atlantic is now as unacceptable as child abuse (cf George Monbiot, 1999), and I am sure you would not want your wedding to feature in the opening lines of a 21st century Dave Pelzer-type narrative. Have you worked out how many tonnes of carbon your church-and-cake fest guests will account for? Are you at least attempting to compensate in some meagre way by planting a few trees? I have to be cruel to my dear friends on the other side of the pond to be kind to the climate, I�m afraid.
Flying from London to the US and back releases the equivalent in CO2 of a year’s average motoring (that�s average British motoring – I expect that figure will have to be scaled down to a couple of months in the SUV-loving US) into our poor unsuspecting atmosphere. I am sure you would not want to blight the enjoyment of your honeymoon working with displaced Katrina refugees knowing you had made forced your international guests to become climate criminals.
I have set myself a strict carbon allowance for this year which I intend to stick to, and will only be attending European weddings in the future.
Yours,
Myra Ebell
PS If you could send me some of your Fair Trade organic wedding cake it would be much appreciated.