Not Attending

So, you probably have a few questions. As in “what the hell is this site all about” and similar. Which is why we have this nifty little Frequently Asked Questions list…

About the concept

Q: So, err, what is this all about?

Haje answers: Basically, Kate and I were talking about writing. I am a writer. She is a writer. That’s what writers talk about. We came up with an idea: What if we co-operated on writing an elaborate RSVP letter, declining to come to a big event? So I suggested we could write one each, seeing it was for the same event and all, they would have a connection. Then Kate suggested to invite some more of our friends. I came up with the idea to make a website, and invite more writers to the project. And suddenly, the site you are looking at is born. A brand new, themed publishing platform for creative writers. Hurray!

Kate answers: Well, it wasn’t as simple as all that. We started talking about weddings and family reunions and I joked that most people I know would rather have the best, most exotic, most impressive reason why they can’t attend than actually bother attending. This struck Haje as funny, and then the conversation progressed the way he describes.

About publishing stuff on notattending.com

Q: So, how do I format my story?

Haje answers: Just type everything straight in. It isn’t that tricky, honest.

Q: Copyright?

Haje A: Of course, you keep the copyright to your writings. When you submit it to the site, however, you grant us the permission to publish your letter on our site.

Q: Are there any rules about what we can say?

Haje answers: Nope, write whatever you want, just as long as it’s a letter telling us why you can’t or won’t come to our imaginary wedding. Come up with some fantastic excuses. Be creative.

Kate hurries to add: Bad spellers will be shot on sight, though.

Haje nods sternly in agreement. : We are, of course, the editors, and reserve the right to go in and correct bad spelling.

Kate: And punctuation. Don’t be abusing those apostrophes, yo. You don’t want to see how Haje gets about that stuff.

Haje: I’m nazi like that.

Kate: Note to Jewish friends — Haje not actually a Nazi.

Haje: I am a nazi in the “soup nazi” sense of the word (lower-case n), not in the anti-Semitic Nazi sense of the word (upper case N). Besides, if I was a Nazi, I don’t think Kate would marry me. Y’know, not that she is anyway, but yeah. You know what I mean.

About this wedding…

Q: So are you guys really getting married?

Kate answers: No. We haven’t even met, actually.

Haje answers: Internet friends. How geeky are we?

Q: You’re having a pretend wedding with someone you don’t even know?

Kate answers: There’s no wedding. Just a wedding invitation .

Haje answers: And, of course, a fantastic springboard for creative writing.

Q: So if you’re not actually getting married, what the hell is this all about?

Haje answers: Decline our invitation. Make us laugh. Make us cry. Move us. Change our world. Decline our invitiation with a work of fiction. restrained only to the form of a declining R.s.v.p. letter, we want to publish your writings.

Q: So, you’re not getting married? Then what will I do with this bloody gift I bought you?

Haje answers: Even if you decide not to attend, it is entirely appropriate to send us gifts anyway. Because we are flexible like that. The best gift would be a particularly well-crafted “not attending” letter, of course, but feel free to send anything else, too.

Kate adds: Like cash. Cash or booze.

Haje: Or both. Both is good.

Q: So you are spelling pedants? Why are so many words spelt oddly then?

Haje points at Kate: That one is a breakaway from the British Empire. And lives in the US. Hence spelling impaired. “meter”, “center” and “humor”. Bollocks to that. But because we are both so adorably stubborn, we decided to disagree. I will write English, and she can write all the American she wants to.

Q: Hey, why are so many words spelled funny?

Kate answers: My co-editor is from one of those strange lands across the sea that you occasionally see on The Daily Show . They have their own quaint customs. Pay him no heed.

Q: If one of you lives in England and one of you lives in Chicago, why did you put the wedding in New York?

Kate answers: Because Iceland was booked.

Haje answers: And because London smells funny.

Kate adds: And since this isn’t a real wedding, we felt we could afford to spend all the imaginary money needed to get the very best.

Q: You’re having your ceremony at the Plaza and your reception all the way over in Brooklyn? Are you nuts?

A: Not. A real. Wedding.

Q: Is Mama Chan’s Hong Kong Bistro a real restaurant?

A: No. Well, sort of. It is, but it’s not in New York. And it’s not called that anymore. But it was awesome.

Q: That would be a pretty fun place to hold a wedding reception though, wouldn’t it?

Kate says: You’re goddamn right it would. Three words: Homemade fortune cookies.

Haje wonders: Heh, all the miracles of US culture. I think we should consider getting married for real, Kate, just so you can show me the ropes. Oh, wait, we could do that without involving rites, couldn’t we?